by Penny Costello
Dear Readers, I invite you to join me on a circuitous
journey of heart, mind, and humanity. At a time when many are gleefully
launching into 2022, I’ll be joining you soon. But as I write this, I’m still
in a reflective mode. Through much of 2021, reflections have centered around or
been inspired by concussions, cocoons, and consciousness.
On Brain Injury
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Dead Man's Run Rescue
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Seven years ago on Thanksgiving Day, I fell head first into
a ravine while playing a rousing game of fetch with my dogs. It happened in a
place where I had been taking dogs for walks for years on the East Campus of
the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Salt Creek runs through the site, carving a
30-foot channel called Dead Man’s Run. I had never had occasion to go close to
the creek in all those years. But, on that day, the tennis ball ended up within
inches of the edge of the bank, and when I bent over to retrieve the ball, a
very slight misstep took me sailing over the edge, landing on my head 30 feet
below. I didn’t lose consciousness. When the rescue squad transported me to the
trauma center a couple of hours later, I was told that I had sustained three neck
fractures and a concussion. As awful as that sounds, I didn’t die. I wasn’t
paralyzed.
I embarked upon what I refer to as a journey of recovery. (Apologies
to Lewis and Clark historians, I can’t resist a play on words.) As the euphoria
of my good luck dispersed over time and I prepared to return to work, I became
conscious of the lasting impacts of my brain injury – fatigue, tinnitus,
difficulty concentrating, memory issues, light and noise sensitivity. It was
then I learned the ingratiating term ‘new normal’, and came to understand that
there would be no going back to the person I was. The new normal for me
included early retirement when that would not have been my choice. Like it or
not, I was on a new path, and little did I know at the time that I’d be guided
on this journey in part by Monarch Butterflies.
On Butterflies
Several years ago, a lone milkweed plant (Asclepias Syriaca)
appeared in my yard. I live on a corner lot, and the spot where this plant
appeared is the sunniest, most exposed area of the property. At the time, I
knew very little about milkweed. A friend of mine pointed it out to me. I knew
that it generated pods, and remembered picking those off plants as a kid on our
ranch in South Dakota. I would soon learn that milkweed blossoms provide one of
the most wonderfully fragrant smells I’ve experienced.
I would also learn that milkweed is the only plant upon
which Monarch Butterflies will lay their eggs and it is the primary food source
for Monarch caterpillars. Habitat loss, climate change, pesticide use, and agricultural
practices have caused a 90 percent decline in Monarch populations over the past
two decades.
Since that first plant appeared in my yard, protecting the
milkweed became a priority, and each year, seeds would burst forth from the
pods and scatter, rewarding me with more and more plants the following year.
I’ve had interesting conversations with passers-by when I’ve
been weeding that spot. I’ve explained to little kids that I’m trying to help the
Monarchs. I’ve explained the same thing to the city weed authority and a nice
engineer from the Traffic and Safety Department when the milkweeds got too high
for motorists to see pedestrians approaching the corner. Ultimately, we reached
a compromise that would benefit motorists, pedestrians and Monarch Butterflies.
The more I have learned about the Monarchs, the more concerned,
fascinated, and enamored I’ve become. My feelings for them have evolved into respect,
awe, and gratitude.
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Weather Radar Image, Monarch Migration |
Monarch Butterflies are amazing creatures. Their story as a
species is enthralling. The Monarch breeding population will produce four or
five generations during a summer season, each of which produces the next
generation. The last generation of the year fulfills a different purpose. The
survival of the species depends upon this generation to make the 3,000 mile migration
to Mexico and California in October, to overwinter there, and begin the return
trek the following February or March, reproducing subsequent generations along
the way who will complete the journey. It takes three to four generations to make
the northward migration. While the first three or four generations have a life
span of two to six weeks, the last generation each year can live for nine
months!
In terms of life stages, the egg stage lasts three to five
days. The larva emerges from the egg and lives as a caterpillar for 11 to 18
days, during which time it becomes an eating, growing machine. The caterpillar
then produces sticky ‘silk’, with which it attaches itself to the milkweed to
enable its metamorphosis. It then bursts out of its skin and converts that to
the protective pupa (chrysalis). While in the chrysalis, the caterpillar
partially dissolves, allowing inherent cellular structures that become wings,
antennae, and butterfly bodies to develop. This complete metamorphosis takes up
to two weeks. When butterflies emerge from the chrysalis, they strengthen and spread their wings and prepare for migration
On Becoming
Monarchs are the only butterflies that migrate in two
directions as birds do. They use environmental cues to tell them when it’s time
to go. The magnetic pull of the Earth and the direction of the Sun aid them in navigating
to overwintering locations and summer breeding grounds. And they recognize and
locate milkweed, the keystone plant species ensuring their continued existence.
When caterpillars have been subjected to chemical gases in
the lab, butterflies they become have shown an aversion to the odor of those
same gasses, suggesting that they have memory that transcends the stages of
metamorphosis.
I can’t help but wonder what awareness or consciousness they
have of their generational structure. Do they identify with which generation
they are in, and what they are responsible for in terms of feeding, breeding,
and reproduction? Do they get excited with the prospect of flying 3,000 miles
to winter in Mexico, or breathe a sigh of relief that their role is simply to
eat and have as much sex as possible in order to fulfill their purpose?
I have to at least consider the possibility that this is a
sentient, conscious species, and marvel at the extent to which they are
connected and tuned into the cycles of nature, her signals and seasons, and their
complete engagement in and commitment to their place in the circle of life. In
seeing this and pondering those questions, my faith in the Universe as a
living, spiritual entity deepens. This can’t be a random evolutionary crap shoot
with no purpose. Something great is at play here. And we’re so lucky to be in
the game.
I recognized the Monarchs as guides in my journey of brain
injury recovery after reading about the stages and process of their metamorphosis.
At times it has felt like I was encased in a chrysalis, uncertain of how, when,
or as whom I would emerge.
I’m sure I am not unique in this experience. People constantly
encounter setbacks, injury, heartbreak, pandemics, and pathologies that encase
us for a time. Like the Monarchs, we have to trust the process. A process the
result of which, ultimately, is becoming.
As we go through these stages and experiences in life, when
we come to an ending of who we are or what we knew, that merely signals the
beginning of the next stage of what we are becoming. 2021 felt like that. I
think I’m ready now for 2022. I’m grateful for a loving, supportive spouse,
committed friends and care providers who have stood by me through these past
seven years. And I want to extend a special thanks to the four Mavens of
Mayhem who tolerate my mercurial, meandering contributions to this blog.
In her book, My Antonia, Willa Cather wrote, “I
was something that lay under the sun and felt it, like the pumpkins, and I did
not want to be anything more. I was entirely happy. Perhaps we feel like that
when we die and become a part of something entire, whether it is sun and air,
or goodness and knowledge. At any rate, that is happiness; to be dissolved into
something complete and great…”
Become a part of something entire - that’s the key, isn’t
it?
This past summer, every time I would walk out of the house a
pair of Monarch butterflies flew up to greet me. They flitted around my head as I
walked around my front yard. It felt as if they were purposefully coming to
greet me. I talked to them and wished them well on their journey to Mexico. And
I was entirely happy.
With all due respect, Ms. Cather, I submit that we don’t
have to die to, as you wrote, ‘be dissolved into something complete and great.’
The real trick is to realize that we are an intrinsic part of something
complete and great, and to walk in that awareness while we’re alive. It wouldn’t
hurt to plant some milkweed while we’re at it. Feel free to hit me up for some
seeds.
Thank you, dear readers for taking this journey. May 2022 become
the fulfillment of your hopes and dreams.
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