Last month, Lincoln recorded the fourth death of a woman at the hands of a man they considered an intimate partner or boyfriend. I wish I could write about how we could solve this dire problem in our city, state, country, world ... but all I can do at this moment is say their names.
Tracy Henman, who was 43, was found dead in her home on October 23. A boyfriend who police found in the house was charged with her murder. Tracy was mother to four children, said to love her job at Hy-Vee, and described as compassionate, adventurous and one who could find humor in the everyday. In the many pictures on her death announcement, you could see people she loved and who loved her.
Jennifer McCarther, 51, a mother of three, and grandmother to five, was shot to death October 1, by an intimate partner, who also killed himself. Her daughter, Deja Plater, said of her mother in a media report: “I want her to know that she mattered even when she didn’t feel like she did.”
Bu Gay, 40, was killed in March and her 13-year-old son critically injured, by the mother’s boyfriend, who killed himself. Bu Gay’s 15-year-old daughter and the boyfriend’s 8-year-old son were also in the apartment at the time of the shooting, but were unharmed.
Michelle Gonzalez, 21, died in February 26 about two hours after she had filed a protection order against her boyfriend, who then killed himself. He had assaulted her earlier that morning, beating her with a pistol while intoxicated. In the later assault, he hit her with a car before she was picked up by two good Samaritans driving by. He followed them down a neighborhood street and rammed into the vehicle, eventually getting out of the car to shoot Michelle. He’d had two previous protection orders filed against him by two separate women. He also served time in both prison and jail for domestic violence charges. When he killed Michelle he was out on parole from a previous domestic violence case.
People on social media are rightfully questioning the value of a protection order in Nebraska and why the justice system’s response to domestic violence against women seems to be so inadequate until a woman is critically injured or killed. The system, they said, fails women over and over.
One woman posted a suggestion that a national data registry, such as the sex offender registry for anyone who has ever committed violence against another person. That’s worth at least a look. Anything is worth a look.
If these deaths were not excessive enough, Lincoln Police rescued two other women in October who were headed for the same fate. One of those was Jesserae Beck, 42, who went public with her story to help others. She was beaten by a boyfriend that left her with a severe brain bleed, head trauma, broken ribs and a punctured lung. She has post-traumatic stress disorder and has to use a walker for balance.
Lincoln has seen an almost 25% increase in violent crimes flagged as domestic in 2025. Leah Droge, director of the Friendship Home in Lincoln, which serves victims of domestic violence, said in media reports she has been hearing about "really intense levels of violence," more victims reporting strangulation and being struck by weapons.
Nearly half of those committing these crimes are said to have a known history of domestic violence.
These women are more than statistics, but it is notable that three-fourths of those who are killed by intimate partners are women. And most of that happens when the woman is leaving or has left the relationship. It’s no wonder they are afraid to leave.
While I understand there are multiple levels of blame for this violence against women, there’s also a lot of bad behavior by leaders in this country that could be making it worse.
Leslie Morgan Steiner, a victim of violence by a man she thought was her soulmate and author of “Crazy Love,” said we are living in a time when someone with credible evidence of sexual violence against him was confirmed to the United States Supreme Court ... again. When a U.S. president who has bragged about grabbing women’s body parts whenever and however he wants can call a survivor of sexual violence a liar at one of his rallies and the crowd will roar its approval.
The president who was elected a year ago, has repeatedly called out prominent women in our country -- smart, energetic, important and productive women who dare to challenge him or who he just decides he doesn’t like -- as weak, foolish, slow, lethargic, dumb, mentally impaired, pathetic, not just bad but f**king bad, dirty, disgusting, out of their minds and crazy.
To a friend accused of wrong doing against women, Trump advised: "You've got to deny, deny, deny and push back on these women. If you admit to anything and any culpability, then you're dead. … You've got to be strong. You've got to be aggressive. You've got to push back hard. You've got to deny anything that's said about you. Never admit." ("Fear: Trump in the White House," by Bob Woodward)
He has recently suggested that violence committed against a woman by an intimate partner in the privacy of the home should not be considered a crime. He has also moved to cut federal grants to domestic violence nonprofit agencies.
His vice president, JD Vance, has said that professional women “choose a path to misery” when they prioritize careers over having children, that when women like his classmates at Yale Law School pursue racial or gender equity like it’s a value system that gives their life meaning, they all find that value system leads to misery. He has referred to some female Democratic leaders as “childless cat ladies.” He has inferred he believes the cornerstone of happiness is fulfilling traditional gender roles.
As I am wrapping up this writing, I see a post on Facebook by the Omaha Police Officers Association about a woman several days ago that hid in a small room in her home while an armed intimate partner searched for her. He found her and blocked her escape. She managed to break away long enough to call 911, and was rescued by police.
Thank you to the people in Lincoln who tried to rescue Michelle Gonzalez. They put their lives at risk, too. Thank you to law enforcement who also put their lives in danger in answering domestic violence calls.
We should all know the warning signs that carry a high risk of serious harm or homicide by intimate partners, according to a recent report by the Nebraska Domestic Abuse Death Review Team: Recent or attempted strangulation; escalating threats or use of weapons; stalking or obsessive jealousy; controlling behavior and isolation; recent separation or attempts to leave the relationship; prior threats to kill the victim, children, or self; history of forced sex or extreme violence.
If warning signs occur, it is important to seek help immediately. Early intervention is critical.
Other sources of help in Lincoln include:
* Voices of Hope: Trained staff and volunteers offer 24-hour crisis intervention services. Through their telephone hotline at 402-475-7273 and through in-person, walk-in services, they provide assistance with safety planning, protection orders, financial resources, legal advocacy, and more. https://www.voicesofhopelincoln.org
* Friendship Home: Provides 24-hour support through its crisis line at 402-437-9302 and offers safe, confidential shelter and advocacy for survivors and their children. https://friendshiphome.org
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I agree with you that our current POTUS and VP model behaviors that encourage others to belittle anyone whom they see as being “lesser” whether that person is female, a minority or LBGTQ. POTUS, especially has given permission to treat others maliciously, vengefully and condescendingly.
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