The Class of 2033 heads to middle school

By Elizabeth Flater 

 

I’m a Gen Xer raising a Gen Alpha 5th grader, who is heading to middle school next year. I was raised in the Lincoln Public Schools, and now work and am raising kids in the Denver Public Schools. The school choice landscape is radically different from the 80s in Lincoln, where you simply attended the closest school to your house. 

 

These days, there are charter schools, all girls, sports focused schools, gifted and talented schools, STEM schools, dual language schools and more. You can certainly attend your home school, but most people tour at least a few to assess the situation. 

 

Junior High in the 90s at Lefler conjures up a lot of memories for me. Memories of feeling so out of place in my tall body, making questionable choices, increasing independence and never fully understanding algebra, float right to the surface. If I had to guess, regardless of how long ago you attended middle school, you have strong memories from that time, too. I remember teachers that made an impact on me, and teachers that were clocking it in and doing the bare minimum. I viscerally remember navigating tween and teen relationships that shifted almost daily, and sometimes left me unsure of where I belonged on any given day.

 

Some of that hasn’t changed, but it was striking to me on our school tours this winter that some things actually have. Instead of the sink or swim, free ranging mindset of the 90s, schools are striving to take on a more proactive, supportive role. At Ellie’s school of choice, they have a daily homeroom where kids have time set aside for social/emotional learning. They work on service projects, and have time to complete homework so they have little to none at home.

They can meet with teachers in a class they are struggling with. Incoming 6th graders have the built-in safety net of mandatory homeroom lunch for the first several weeks of school so no one has to wonder if they will sit alone. They attend 6th grade academy, where for two full school days, they learn how to be middle schoolers. Perhaps most importantly, they practice how to get in and out of their lockers without 7th and 8th graders looking on, ready to give them a swirly. 

 

Rather than the wild west, it’s more controlled chaos, with the ever special teachers who LOVE teaching middle schoolers. They focus on the whole child and appear to be striving to tend to their developmental needs in those impressionable years.

 

I recently got to attend an overnight outdoor education event with the 5th graders we are preparing to launch from my school, and their emotional intelligence really impressed me. While preparing them for the traditional solo night walk in the Rockies, a teacher asked them how leaving their comfort zone and leaning into self-trust might serve them.

 

Hands went up: “because life is only going to get harder from here.”

 

“To prepare us for even more challenging things in life down the road.”

 

“So we can be stronger in the future when we face other problems.”

 

Cusp Gen Xers and Millenials have a reputation of helicopter parenting. In many cases, that reputation is earned. In defense of my generation, we are much more open with our kids, and help them put language to what they are going through. Many of my Gen X friends were not given a head’s up about menstrual cycles before theirs arrived, for goodness sake. I love how much more open and honest my generation is with our kids about the ways of the world, and navigating this human life in a flesh suit. 

 

Ellie is a kind, grounded, super smart kid. I’m certain I’m more worried about her transition to middle school than she is. She’s a good friend, loves to read and learn, and is a very academic kid. When discussing where she would go to middle school, she made her choice and said, “Even if I don’t make a single friend, I’m going to have so much fun at school.” My work here is to take her lead, let her fly and do my best to not let my worries become hers. It’ll be a ride, no doubt, but she’s got what she needs to navigate it. 

 

A wild thing about being in my mid 40s is that some of my peers have babies, and some are grandparents. While some of my friends are preparing to send their kids to college, others still have the terrible twos at their feet. I get the feeling it’s going to be harder on us parents to launch our kids into the next thing, whether it’s college or preschool. But the kids? The kids are alright. And who knows, maybe those safety nets the middle schools have in place are just as much for us Gen X and Millennial parents, as it is for the kids.