Childless Cat Ladies Make The World Go 'Round

By Chelsea Klinkebiel

“We are effectively run…. by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable too". This very stupid statement by J.D. Vance in 2021 implicated Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez as examples of childless people who did not have a stake in the future of our country because they did not have biological children (even though Kamala Harris is a stepmother and Pete Buttigieg and his husband added children to their family very shortly after these comments). Ever since these comments resurfaced a few years later and became echoed by other GOP mouthpieces (e.g, the “diabolical lie” speech by Harrison Butker at a college graduation), I have felt deeply unsettled by a message that I see reflected in political discourse, in social media, and in my students’ discussions about their futures. It is not a new message. It is patriarchy that has been repackaged into a shiny, 2020s-modern shell. Tradwife influencers and plenty of mediocre men are trying to sell the idea that for women to truly find their meaning and purpose in life, they need to birth babies, and a lot of them.

While growing up, I was fortunate to have many amazing women in my life who happened to not have children. Many of my colleagues and friends fit the description of a “childless cat (or dog) lady.”  These women are phenomenal educators, mentors, advocates, and volunteers. They are aunts who provide their wisdom, perspective, and unconditional love to nieces and nephews. These women care for other children in the community as if they were their own children or grandchildren, providing resources, respite to parents, enrichment, and safety. We could discuss for hours the incredible women throughout history who happened to not have biological children and who have impacted millions and led deeply fulfilling lives. They have been scientists, artists, activists, business moguls, public servants, and on and on.

Of course, this is not a suggestion of the exact opposite: that for women to find their true purpose, they
should not have children. I chose to be a mother and decided that one child was enough. My life felt complete and fulfilled in the role of a mother who is also a psychologist, professor, advisor, mentor, wife, aunt, daughter, niece, friend, volunteer, traveler, etc. Yet, I have received countless messages (some implicit and some very explicit) from strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family members that somehow, one child is not enough - that perhaps, I am not “enough” of a mother if I have only one child. Why the obsession with the number of children someone has birthed?

I don’t know if the women who happen not to have biological children need to be told just how amazing they are. They likely know, but we should still remind them. And perhaps society needs a reminder, particularly as dangerous messages are being sent to the next generation of women who will decide how they want to form their biological or chosen families. The insinuation that women who do not have multiple biological children are not enough is another example of the dehumanization of those who do not fit the conservative aesthetic of what makes a person worthy of love, worthy of protection, worthy of human rights.

Of course, the GOP will attempt to veil this dehumanization thinly enough to push an agenda of traditional gender roles, stay-at home mothers, and homesteading by way of a carefully manicured, artificial aesthetic that influencers create.  For example, the “More babies, less burnout” message delivered to young women was part of a speech at a Turning Point USA conference this last year. As if burnout magically disappears once you are following the societal norms that the GOP is trying to set. However, parents and non-parents alike are very aware that:

• U.S. healthcare and childcare systems are shamefully inadequate compared to those in other countries, and families continue to rely on crowdfunding to pay their medical bills.
• Pregnant women’s lives are at risk, and women are dying as reproductive healthcare rights are being actively eroded.
• Unless you have large amounts of privilege, it is virtually impossible to thrive on one income in this economy.
• Women who leave the workforce in the U.S. and who are financially dependent on a partner face innumerable risks to their well-being, safety, and security.
• Women who are stay-at-home parents AND women who work as many hours as their partners are burdened with the bulk of the mental and physical load related to caring for children and a household. 

So, loving and cherishing women and children is not at the heart of the pressure for more babies. And very obviously, if you want to reduce burnout, there are a lot of other great places to start (you know, maybe by having our tax dollars go to programs and infrastructure that support families rather than those that rip families apart and bomb innocent civilians, including women and children).

I hope that the next generation of women can see through the obvious lies and distractions that are being perpetuated. And I hope they will see the amazing women who lead rich, fulfilling lives as models of who they can aspire to be, regardless of whether they decide to have children. Because these women truly make the world go ‘round.