When Is It Enough....

 

By Marilyn Moore

“Enough.”  The word has been before me the past few days as I read More Than Enough by Anna Quindlen.  An engaging read, with characters I cared about (a lot), the complications of life as we all know it (marriage, divorce, friendships, aging, children, illnesses and death, book groups, severe storms, search for identity…), and while never put in writing, the lingering question of, “Is this enough….”

It reminded me of The Gift of Story, an enchanting and touching story by Clarissa Pinkolo Estés, who wrote about a chance meeting between a very old man and a very old woman on a cold wintry night as they were fleeing enemy troops near the end of World War II.  In a tender moment, they exchanged the gifts of the moon, the stars…and a story.  And on that night…it was enough.

“Enough” is a challenge to define.  Dictionary definitions suggest “adequate,” “sufficient” and “as much as required” as generally accepted meanings.  All pretty subjective, all dependent on the person or persons involved, and the circumstances of the moment.  I remember learning in a graduate class a number of years ago that when asked how much money they would need to live comfortably and without worry, the average responses was about a third more than they were making now.  So the person making $30,000 a year thought $40,000 a year would do it.  And the person making $300,000 thought it would take a $400,000 income to be comfortable and without worry.  Very different perceptions of “enough,” though the percentages are the same.  (A side note, I think our present economic and tax systems favor the $300,000 person more than the $30,000 person.  That’s for a future blog….)

For the man and the woman in Estés’s story, a few hours of companionship and the warmth of a story was enough.  Most of us would probably not find that “adequate,” but on that night, in that place, to them it was.  In Quindlen’s book, one character wonders if an adopted child will be “enough” if she is unable to become pregnant.  A parent wonders if providing her brilliant daughter who is mentally ill with a therapeutic and comfortable residential placement means that she has done “enough” to provide for and protect her.  

I recall many variations of the “enough” question in conversations with friends and family.  Are my financial resources enough to last me through retirement for the rest of my life?  When does providing assistance for a struggling family turn from support to enabling?  How many books, or trips, or square feet in a house, or adorable baby clothes for the long-awaited first grandchild are enough?  How many steps a day is enough?  How low does that LDL count have to be to be low enough?  How much money set aside for college for children/grandchildren is enough?  

And the question I hear over and over again, mostly from women, but not only, women of all ages, “When will I have done enough?”  The underlying question is, “Why do I feel like I need to be productive all the time?”  A young woman in a demanding profession wonders if it’s enough that she also got two loads of laundry done today.  A newly retired woman, who upon retiring stepped into another position that’s “only” 30 hours a week, wonders why she can’t get off the constant spinning wheel.  A friend wonders if it’s really okay to spend an hour watching the birds at the feeder outside her window, and I feel more than a little guilty choosing to read, for pleasure, during daylight hours…because there are closets to be cleaned, family photographs to be sorted, correspondence to attend to, a never-ending list of house projects…how is there ever enough time to do all that, and read, too…

I believe our spirits are healed through a more expansive understanding of productivity, one that says that just as laundry and closets and email can be counted as productive time, so can pages read, birds watched, phone calls with friends, and puttering in the garden….or whatever it is that sets one’s soul at ease.  Those are moments of “enough.”

The ”enough” question permeates our public policy discussions, too.  How much financial assistance for low-income students is enough?  How much in tax deductions is enough?  How much support for rural school is enough?  How many years in prison is enough?  How much public funds for economic development and job training are enough?  How much legislative oversight of executive actions is enough?  

There are consequences from answers to “enough” questions.  A federal decision that fewer dollars for Medicaid would be enough results in the closure of rural hospitals and urban qualified health centers.  A federal decision that fewer (or no) dollars are necessary for health services in developing countries has resulted in the spread of contagious diseases, including an ebola outbreak; contagious diseases do not recognize national barriers, and we are not immune to a disease because it’s “over there.”   A federal decision that more than enough dollars were being allocated for hungry families has resulted in millions of people (seniors, veterans, children, families) no longer receiving assistance with food, not because they have “enough” resources of their own, but because they no longer meet the newer, higher, more stringent requirements.  A Supreme Court decision that “enough” has been done to protect the voting rights of racial minority citizens led to essentially gutting the federal Voting Rights Act; some southern states immediately gerrymandered congressional districts to dilute and diminish the voting impact of Black citizens.  Listen to the policy discussions, read the court decisions, note the embedded “enough” questions and answers.

Is the half-full glass enough?  It depends on what’s in the glass and who’s drinking from it.  If the glass is a bar of dark chocolate, half is probably enough.  If the glass is the daily nutritional requirement for a growing ten-year-old, half is never enough.  It always depends on context….

While the “enough” questions in my life are for the most part questions of privilege…how much time to read, how much time to work on house projects, how much leisure travel….I am painfully aware that many families in this community live with “not enough” every day.  There are families who do not have enough to eat.  There are families who do not have adequate housing.  There are women and children who do not have a safe place to live, a place away from their abuser.  There are people completing addiction programs or being discharged from incarceration who do not have enough support to re-enter the community successfully.  There are children and teens and adults in need of mental health services, and they cannot access them because of lack of family resources or lack of sufficient providers in the community to meet the need. (Note to self:  remember this on Give to Lincoln Day.)

At this age and stage of life, I go to more memorial services than I did ten years ago.  I wonder about the end-of-life “enough” questions.  Will I have loved enough?  Will I have lived enough?  Will I have laughed enough? Will I have listened enough?   Will I have given enough?  Will I have told the stories, made the music, walked the paths, savored the skies, and said “I love you,” and “Thank you,” enough….

I can hear the voice of Mrs. Teter, my high school English teacher, saying, “Okay, Marilyn, you have said enough.”  And that is so.  

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