The Wisdom of Mature Women

By Chelsea Klinkebiel

I am 25 years old….well....actually, I turned 40 this year, but this seems to be my internal “default” age, the point in my life at which I had graduated from college and was in the beginning years of graduate school. Does this happen to others?  When I hear about international postgrad internships and postdoctoral fellowships, I think, “Ooh! That sounds interesting.” Somehow, I am permanently stuck in those exciting years when I was still designing my life and when a lack of sleep or a hangover didn’t derail me for days. However, all too often, I am quickly reminded of my age when I hop out of bed too quickly, go a day without supportive shoes, or eat exactly one donut hole and have raging heartburn all day.

In 2011, I got the opportunity to travel to Beijing for a week with my aunt Marilyn as a part of a Nebraska Educators Tour of China. I was the youngest member of the group by at least 10 to 15 years. In my 25-year-old naiveté and utter lack of research into our activities, I wore flip-flops and a skirt on the day we toured the Great Wall of China. I remember coming down to the hotel lobby and hearing the gasps from the more mature and much wiser women. I shrugged it off in the lobby, and I shrugged off the steep hike awaiting us when we arrived. At the time, I was training for a half marathon and climbed past the rest of the group for quite a while, ending up by myself with many Chinese tourists. I don’t remember pain or soreness that day or the following days, but I cannot imagine wearing flip-flops for longer than an hour at this point in my life.

I now fully understand the reactions to the flip-flops, and I am so grateful for the many things I have learned from mature women. I say mature rather than “older.” Many of the women whom I have learned from are older than me, but I also think of maturity as it relates to emotional stability and emotional intelligence, social and relational skills, and wisdom. 

The mature women I know could not care less about beauty standards. They are not concerned about the wrinkles and saggy skin that come with age. They are not chasing the latest diet or concerned with shape or weight. They are less concerned about what they look like and more concerned with what they are looking at. Mature women gave me the confidence to embrace my unruly, curly hair, and it has given me so much time back in my life. Although mature women could not care less about beauty standards, they care for their bodies. They nourish them with delicious and often healthy foods, walk religiously come rain or shine, practice yoga and meditation, and work to retain their strength. Mature women know that caring for themselves comes first if they will care for others. 

However, the mature women I know also do not center the needs and lives of men above their own. They have their own work, hobbies, volunteering, and friends. Along with these values, mature women value experiences over things, and people and relationships over status and possessions. I am so inspired by the women who give their time and resources while living simply. 

The mature women in my life provide authentic examples of practicing radical acceptance. They have experienced and are living with chronic illnesses, cancer, loss, the stress of aging family members and partners, disappointments that come with life experiences, estranged family members, the current events we are all living through (waves around vaguely). They allow those experiences to take up space in their lives and do not struggle against them. At the same time, they experience joy and hope, they seek out new experiences, they incorporate fun and excitement in their lives, and they keep moving forward. 

I do have to make one generational comparison as well. This is solely based on anecdotal evidence and my observations, but I think mature women make and keep friends well. As a millennial mom who has relocated many times, I have struggled with keeping in touch with same-age friends and finding a consistent friend group. This may be controversial, but I think my generation and the generations that came after ours have a tendency to expect perfection in our interactions with others, think more rigidly, and experience social anxiety. I think we have a hard time tolerating discomfort with disagreement and a tendency to disengage with uncomfortable interactions. From the time I have spent with mature women, I have witnessed their friendships in action. There is debate, disagreement, and clashes of personalities. I witness repair after conflict, and I also witness friends simply “moving on” and enjoying one another. Perhaps they know that it is not worth their time to worry and ruminate.

I am working on embracing this attitude in my quest to spend more time with friends. I am so grateful, though, that much of my social life involves working alongside and spending quality time with the mature women in my life. They have much to teach us.

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