Why Did I Think We Would Be Different?

By Marilyn Moore

I remember the conversation well.  It was at Tico’s, in mid-February, at lunch following church, with a group of friends.  I told them about a text from my friend Xiaoqian, former graduate student who had returned to China three years ago after completing two graduate degrees at UNL.  She told me about being quarantined at her parents’ home, after having gone there to celebrate Chinese New Year with them.  During that celebration, the Chinese government implemented widespread policies in an attempt to stop the rapid spread of the coronavirus.  Xiaoqian told me about what that felt like to her, about only one person from their home being able to leave home once a week to get groceries, about feeling very cooped up because she hadn’t been outside in several weeks…and there was no end in sight.  I remarked to my friends that I was sure that was extremely difficult for Xiaoqian, because she is such a social person, and she likes her job and friends a lot.  We talked about the virus, which first appeared in China, and its likely spread throughout the world.  And I remember saying, “I’m sure there will be cases in the US, but I’m sure it will be different here.”

 

Now, a little more than six months later, I look back at the first blog I wrote about the coronavirus, in mid-March.  At that time, I noted that 58 US citizens had died from Covid-19.  Let that rest in your mind for a moment; in mid-March there were 58 deaths in this country.  Today, it is more than 188,000 deaths, and growing by about 1000 a day.  With 4% of the world’s population, we have more than 20% of the cases of Covid-19 and of the deaths from Covid-19.  It is indeed different here, but not in the way that I expected.

 

What was I thinking, when I said with confidence that it would be different here?  I’ve thought a lot about that, in the past few months, especially when other countries seemed to be “flattening the curve,” and we weren’t, and still aren’t….  There were several assumptions behind that confidence.

 

I thought we had time to get ready.  The disease was known to the world in January, and to the scientists who keep an eye on such things earlier.  I thought our leaders and our public health experts would make a plan, and we’d be ready to go when the first case was identified.  As it turned out, we didn’t have a plan, and we still don’t.

 

I assumed we would listen to the scientists and make decisions based on the best recommendations they could make.  We do that in other public health outbreaks, and because of that, diseases that once caused millions of deaths, like measles, and polio, and typhoid fever, no longer do.  I knew there wasn’t a vaccine, yet, but I assumed there were best practices, and we’d all buy into those until a treatment or vaccine became available.  As it turned out, we didn’t all listen to the scientists.

 

I assumed we would be better off than in other countries because of our healthcare system, that those who became ill would be more likely to survive because of the quality of healthcare in the US.  As it turned out, that system was absolutely overrun in many parts of the country, with not enough beds, not enough ventilators, not enough ICU staff, and most embarrassing of all, not enough face masks and other PPE.  (And it says a lot that we all now know what PPE is….)

 

I assumed that we would harness the immense capacity of the country to produce and provide whatever was needed, from testing supplies to masks and gowns to ventilators, and that there would be an orderly and systematic way to get those supplies and equipment to the states and communities and hospitals when they were needed.  As it turned out, we didn’t do that, and states and hospitals were forced to seek suppliers from around the world to provide what was needed, often bidding against one another, and paying far more than usual prices for these goods. 

 

Mostly, I assumed that our leaders would be clear about the disease, about what was known and what wasn’t known and how “what was known” was changing on a daily basis as more was learned about the virus.  I assumed they would be clear and consistent about what we needed to do individually and collectively to face this threat to our health and to our economy.  And I assumed that most of us would listen, and put our short-term inconvenience aside for the long-term greater good of everyone.  I leave it to readers to conclude how well we all have done….

 

Perhaps we are living examples of the word “hubris,” that term from the ancient Greeks that means exaggerated pride or self-confidence, assuming that somehow or other, what happened in China, and in Spain, and in Italy, could not possibly happen to us.  Except it did, and more so, because that pesky virus does not much care that I thought we would be different, that we would be better. 

 

In the intervening months, Xiaoqian has been able to return to her home and her job.  She cautions me in nearly every text that I need to wear a mask every time I leave the house.  And, she was married last weekend, in a beautiful ceremony with friends and families and all the traditional events of a Chinese wedding.  I’m very happy for her…and I so wish that indeed, our story would have been different.  Perhaps, even now, we could commit to a better ending.

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