Reaching out my hand in mercy and grace … with a prayer for choice

By Mary Kay Roth

My mother was always a fierce believer in reproductive choice, but I didn’t fully understand the reasons until I was growing into my adolescence and she started sharing stories from her own teenage years. Raised in a small Nebraska town where abortion was illegal, mom talked about the ugly, backstreet procedures that eventually killed her friend, Alice, and left her friend, Mabel, unable to have children. 

“I have always believed women should control their own bodies, after all, men do,” my mom would tell us – in a voice that was both heated and emotional. “But let me assure you abortions will happen whether they are legal or not. The difference is when they are illegal, people with money are fine – people without money, die.” 

I suspect my mom’s stories are at least part of the reason, every Tuesday morning, I land at Planned Parenthood to volunteer.

My task is a simple one. Positioned outside the entrance to this center, wearing a Planned Parenthood vest, I serve as an escort to walk young women from their car to the front door – and back again.  

The challenge, of course, is walking amidst a chorus of taunts and harassment from the sea of protesters who gather each Tuesday at the outskirts of Planned Parenthood property: Protesters who quietly pray.  Protesters who scream despicable words at incoming patients, whether they are collecting birth control or arriving for a vulnerable moment in their lives. Protesters who shout, “baby killer,” and curse us to eternal damnation.

My heart hurt this past Tuesday as I walked several patients through a series of precarious moments. 

• As protesters shouted their judgments, one young woman barely made it out of her car, broke down in sobs and almost crumpled into my arms. “Why are they so mean?  Please hold onto me and don’t let go.” 
• Later that morning, when protesters hovered at the driveway into Planned Parenthood – purposely misleading arrivals they were official greeters – a furious young woman jumped from her car and screamed through her tears: “You need to stop this, you’re awful.”   
• Yet another woman – her car window stuffed with pro-life materials – sat in the parking lot after arrival and collapsed over her steering wheel in confusion.  Speaking through her car window, I said: “I am not here to tell you what to do.  I want you to feel good about your life decisions – in your heart and your soul.  Please take your time.  Perhaps you’d like to sit here, breathe and just think.”  And she did. 

I walked away Tuesday knowing I needed to write about this experience, because if there was ever an urgent time to speak out – it is now.  I write these words today because I believe in a woman’s right to make choices about her own health care – because women have a moral right to decide what to do with their bodies. 

At the same time, I tread gently and tenderly into this blog.  I have friends who stand on the other side of the Great Divide created around the issue of abortion. I respect their beliefs and honor their right to express opposing views.   

I do not respect nor honor the right to bully, intimidate and terrorize.  I do not honor purposeful manipulation and cruelty: stuffing disturbing, unwanted materials into car windows – screaming nasty words at patients and volunteers – changing vest colors to match Planned Parenthood. 

But let me be clear: I am not at Planned Parenthood on Tuesdays because of the protesters. 

I am there to reach out my hand to courageous women, as I believe in mercy, grace, compassion and the power of fresh starts.

I am there to support sexual and reproductive freedom for all women, because those who lack the means to manage their fertility lack the means to manage their lives.  I am there with the understanding that 97 percent of Planned Parenthood services embrace low-cost contraception, STD screenings, Pap smears, breast exams and basic medical care.

I am there because banning abortion puts women at risk by forcing them to make illegal, unsafe choices – creating even greater equity gaps in access to health care. It’s really quite simple: When abortion is illegal, wealthy families continue to retain choices while poor families, do not. 

Finally, I am there because we are living through a dire assault on reproductive rights. The nation’s most far-reaching curb on abortions since they were legalized has taken effect in Texas. Meanwhile, oral arguments have been scheduled for December in Dobbs v. Jackson Women's Health Organization – a Mississippi case that challenges Roe v. Wade in a time when conservatives now dominate the Supreme Court. 

These milestones are cautionary signs, warnings of a looming human rights crisis for American women.

As my mother so wisely observed, historical abortion trends make it clear that, regardless of the legality, women will continue to seek out abortions. In fact, the pro-life movement’s platform rests on criminalizing and restricting access, which increases the rate of unsafe abortions, while the pro-choice movement doesn’t encourage abortions – it lobbies to keep it legal as one possible choice.  

A few days ago we saw the beginning of a 40-day Prayer Vigil for Life, a national campaign against abortion that will inflame the already agitated protesters at Planned Parenthood.

I invite you to join my own 40-day peaceful prayer vigil for choice.  

Personally, I will pray for securing reproductive justice for all women.  

I will pray for the gutsy staff at Planned Parenthood clinics across this country who make sure women receive healthy reproductive choices.

I will pray for the Alices and Mabels of this world who have no choices.

I will pray that those who believe in choice – the majority of Americans, according to national surveys – hear the call to action and volunteer, educate, donate, speak out.  

I will pray for the time when our daughters, sisters, mothers, friends, can walk into a health care clinic without being harassed or condemned.

I will pray that women reaching out for help and support in health care, will always find a welcoming hand – always find someone to hang onto.

And, as I pray, I know my mother will be kneeling right beside me.

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I invite you to join the March to Defend our Reproductive Rights in Lincoln on Saturday, Oct. 2 – with rallies for Reproductive Rights planned across the nation that day – starting on the north side of the Nebraska State Capitol at noon, with remarks on the north steps at 1 p.m.  

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