Where are our better angels?

By JoAnne Young 

How many times have we heard in our lifetimes: “We can do better.”

 

It has become a meme. I’m not sure I even believe it anymore. 

 

International Women’s Day is Tuesday, and just in time we were reminded last month that women are not free from intimidation, harassment, and irksome and disruptive behavior by others, even in the workplace of the Nebraska Legislature. 

 

Former Sen. Mike Groene of North Platte resigned after suggestive photos he took of a young female staffer were discovered on his state laptop by the staffer, showing her a lack of respect at the very least and breaking her trust and the trust of other women who work at the Capitol. The protocol for dealing with such actions by legislative leadership, the majority of whom are men, has once again been called into question. 

 

A number of female senators got up on the chamber floor to address the issue last month. Sen. Wendy DeBoer talked about the breaking of trust that women experience time after time throughout their lives, simply because they are women. Those episodes, and the threat of such incidents, happen all too frequently to women and girls, violating their trust of men and the institutions they run. They cause them to make continual risk assessments of all their other interactions.

 

Can I wear this? Can I stand or walk this way? Should I be candid? Can I walk home alone or down this street? Can I take a cab or ride in an elevator with a stranger or certain men? Should I be alone in this room with my boss or coworker? Should I laugh at that joke he just told? Should I stay quiet about that unwanted touching? Should I refrain from rocking the boat, or from embarrassing the man or the institution? 

 

“When you’re doing those risk assessments about every little thing, you’re not doing the other things you could be doing with your life. Forwarding your career. Getting better at doing what you’re doing,” Sen. DeBoer told her fellow senators.  

Women have been taught forever and a day to minimize, to accept, to be flattered, to not overreact, to calm down. They’ve been treated like little girls when they are way past girlhood. 

 

“We minimize these things so often that I feel like there’s something wrong with me for not just brushing it off and moving past it,” Sen. DeBoer said. 

 

Don’t think I haven’t thought hard about broaching this topic on this blog. 

 

I’ve done the risk assessment: Will people label me or dismiss me? Am I being too negative? And really, what good will it do anyway? 

 

But I’m sticking with it, because words and images matter. 

 

Even the words of beloved music icons like the Beatles. They wield a lot of influence. In the past few years, I’ve become disappointed even in them. Look at this song: “Run for Your Life.”

 

“Well, I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man.
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won't know where I am.

You better run for your life if you can, little girl.
Hide your head in the sand, little girl.
Catch you with another man,
That's the end, little girl.

Well, you know that I'm a wicked guy
And I was born with a jealous mind.
And I can't spend my whole life
Trying just to make you toe the line. …

Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I've said.
Baby, I'm determined
That I'd rather see you dead.” 

 

How many times had I listened to that song, written and sung by John Lennon in 1965, and not thought about its import? According to “The Beatles, A Hard Day’s Write,” it came to Lennon from a line in a 1955 Elvis Presley song, “Baby, Let’s Play House,” written by a 28-year-old preacher’s son from Nashville. 

 

“Now listen to me, baby
Try to understand
I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man.”

 

The original song has since been explained away by some as an indication of the depths of feeling, not a threat. In Lennon’s mouth, it’s a threat. He apparently knew it wasn’t a great song and should have scrapped it. 

 

But these things just keep happening. 

 

On the floor of the Legislature that Tuesday in February, we heard the phrase, “We can do better,” over and over. Stop saying it and just BE better.  

 

Here are things we can do: Elect more women. Stop belittling or silencing them. Stop calling them bossy, feisty and emotional when they speak up. Close the gender wage gap. Reject the false narratives. 

Stop talking. Fix it.  

(Photo of Sen. Wendy DeBoer by Nebraska Legislative staff)