Forgiveness, truth and secrets to a happy life

By JoAnne Young 

I have this leather-bound book that when I bought it, about a dozen years ago, had 200 blank pages. In the ensuing years, I have filled it with writings from books, TV shows, movies, documentaries, interviews. All these things that can point me to wisdom and thoughts that are good for me to consider as I make this journey with the rest of you through life. 

In this brand new year, as we come up for some clean air after slogging through the past three years that have been marked by questions and hard truths, doubts, frustrations and hopes, I offer some food for thought from my little brown book. 

* “Truth is love.” 

I’m not sure who said this, but I wrote it down because it made sense. Truth has become so compromised, so subjective, so debated. Is it a system of beliefs? Or the facts? Truth, even based in science and facts, can change over time, from what we knew it to be then, to what we have come to know now. So I am staying with the simple. Truth is love … love that works for the benefit of all, whether they accept it or not.

* “When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.” -- Harvard neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor.

Sometimes it’s worth a lot to exit that loop, as quickly as possible. Sometimes, it is OK to stay in the loop, or at least to transform that anger to make it work for you in more productive ways. 

* Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that it could have been any different. – Quoted and requoted many times 

Stay in the past or move on. It’s a choice we have to make – frequently -- but not an easy one. 

* “Never ever depend on governments or institutions to solve any major problems. All social change comes from the passion of individuals.” – Margaret Mead, cultural anthropologist 

* “I was brought up to believe that the only thing worth doing was to add to the sum of accurate information in the world.” – Margaret Mead

I bore witness to Mead’s wisdom in my 36 years as a journalist. This quote was pinned to a small bulletin board at my work desk. It gave me encouragement every day. As did this one by Henry Anatole Grunwald, a refugee from Nazi-dominated Austria who rose to become Time magazine's top editor: “Journalism can never be silent: that is its greatest virtue and its greatest fault. It must speak, and speak immediately, while the echoes of wonder, the claims of triumph and the signs of horror are still in the air.” 

* “A country that can put a man on the moon can put women in the Constitution.” – Rep. Margaret Heckler (Massachusetts), Republican 

Equal rights are not granted to women in the Constitution. The right to vote is their only right enshrined in the Constitution. Why is this so hard? Why can we not progress? It is a great affront to the women of this country that the Equal Rights Amendment has been ratified after decades of debate, but has yet to be certified and published as the 28^thAmendment to the Constitution. 

* “One of the secrets to a happy life is continuous small treats.” – Dame Iris Murdock, Irish and British novelist and philosopher

I love this. It is in my list of goals for 2023. 

* “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust, author and essayist 

I think of this often when I tire of my surroundings. Yes, it’s a wonderful thing to travel. But most of our time is spent in our hometowns, and this is profound advice. 

* “I want to live in a world of perpetual epiphanies.”

I don’t remember who said this. I had it taped to my computer at work for a long time. Then I took a leave one summer and an intern sat at my desk. When I returned, she had scribbled on it, probably during a phone call when for some strange reason she had nothing else to write on. Rude, right?  I cut out the parts she had written on and was left with “perpetual epiphanies.” I no longer have the paper, but the words are embedded in my head. And I am always on the lookout for them.                          

* Time is our most important possession. Don’t give it to thieves and people who are selfish, egotistical, negative, or who won’t stop talking. – Tim Hoch in Thought Catalog

This is from a list of 10 ways to make your life harder than it has to be. It’s worth googling.  

* “The darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable. And the lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.” – The Indigo Girls 

And then from Grey’s Anatomy: "If you aren't willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping, even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed." 

The light and dark are always with us. The human soul, they say, is a place of contradiction and ambiguity, of opposing energies that whisper to each other and exchange notes. We learn from loss, from the negative. To have a shadow is normal. Without both sides, we would have no creative impulse. 

* “Desiderata” -- Max Ehrmann, writer, poet, attorney 

Who among us remembers the poster that hung in so many bedrooms and dorm rooms during our college years?  I will end with excerpts, the beginning and some of the end of the poem, as a benediction, of sorts, for 2023.

“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. … And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive (God) to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”

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For Just a Moment, I'm Sure She Was There

 By Marilyn Moore

I heard a variation of this sentence several times at holiday gatherings, “For just a moment, I’m sure she was there.”  Words spoken by a friend, in wonder and awe and uncertainty, describing the sense that her mom, who died recently, was there in the room at a family gathering.  For just a moment…seemingly unseen by others, but there, definitely there.  Not just a memory, but…there. Some spoke of not seeing, but hearing the voice, of a parent or grandparent who is no longer living.  Another friend said, somewhat hesitantly, “I talk to them,” and the person sitting next to her said, in a rush, and with relief to hear those words, “So do I.” 

I believe these experiences are real, and that they are true. Several years ago I first learned of the Celtic understanding of “thin places,” those places, or times, where the veil between this world and heaven becomes so thin that we sense we are on the threshold, we sense the presence of God, the Divine, the Holy…. The thin places may be places, like mountaintops (where the air is thin) or sea or prairie horizons (where the sea or land blends into the sky, as one).  Thin places may be times, like dawn, or dusk, where it is neither daylight nor darkness, but the moments between.  And they may be experiences, with music, or art, or an intensely loving moment among two or more people, in which a sense of the presence of the Holy is present.  I’ve experienced these places, and times, and moments…and they are soul-sustaining.

I’ve since come to know that many cultures and faiths have expressions and experiences similar to the thin places.  The Iroquois prophet said, “The distance between our surface world and the world of the spirits is exactly as wide as the edge of the maple leaf.”  Thin, indeed…. 

In Iceland, I heard stories of kindling elves, part of traditional Icelandic culture, who are able to slip easily between realms.  They are described as gatekeepers; I like to think of them as the creatures of the light, escorting others from one realm to the next.  

And in our present physical world, we learned this summer from images from the James Webb telescope that we are able to “see” planets, stars, and galaxies as they were born billion years ago, and as they are coming into life today.  Wondrous, almost magical….but real, very real.  Time folding across vast expanses, literally more than my mind can comprehend, creates the image of a thin place, both physical and temporal…and my soul soars as I catch my breath in awe.

And what does all this have to do with Mom, who died several years ago, whose chair is empty at the family gathering, being present, not only in memory, but for just a moment, really present, as the family gathers?  Thornton Wilder said that there is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge between the two is love.  It seems very real to me that if cultures across time and in many corners of the planet have understood that there are moments when one can be in this world and the next, and that if we have watched as very old stars and very new stars are being born, then with love, it is possible to bridge this world and the next…and Mom is there, for just a moment, really there.  

(I am indebted to Dr. Jane Florence for some of the content of this blog. The application to Mom, however firm or shaky it may be, is totally my own.)

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In the fallout of overturning abortion rights, give the gift of choice this holiday season

 

By Mary Kay Roth

Drive by Lincoln’s Planned Parenthood these days and the landscape changes moment to moment. Clients are coming and going, as always, while pro-life demonstrators camp just outside Planned Parenthood property, barely on the other side of a hedge boundary line. Consistently they block the driveway entry, sport generic fake Planned Parenthood vests and attempt to stuff propaganda into anyone confused enough to open a car window. Some bow in prayer. Others scream out vicious taunts, “baby killer,” “you are going to hell.” 

Yet tension has heightened even more at Planned Parenthood over past months in the aftermath of a Supreme Court ruling that overturned our constitutional right to abortion. Numbers surged for zealous pro-lifers – who became emboldened, louder, nastier – at the same time, a new group of gutsy pro-choice demonstrators joined the fray, counter protesting with irreverent signs and chants.

Each week the unease intensifies.  And the circus is likely to get crazier in January as the Nebraska Legislature convenes with abortion debate looming large. In numerous Republican state legislatures, the fight is no longer whether to ban abortions, but how severely to do so.

I am a volunteer for Planned Parenthood, standing sentry on the other side of the property line. Over the last few years my purpose has been a quiet one, walking women from their cars to the front door – and back – hoping to help them feel safe and welcome, serving as something of a buffer to the onslaught of harassment. 

This holiday season, frankly, I am growing weary of watching bullies torment women who simply want to make decisions about their own bodies. So, instead of wrapping up something with a pretty bow, I propose we start making some noise – and show up in the Nebraska Legislature to fight.   All I want for Christmas this year – for our daughters, granddaughters, sisters, mothers – is the gift of choice.  

“We have a collective story about freedom, the freedom to choose our own destiny,” says Thia Hartley, one of the pro-choice demonstrators.  “No one but you can choose how many children you birth or the timing of your pregnancies, whether or not to end a pregnancy resulting from rape or incest, or to have an abortion to save your life.  Someone else’s religion or politics can’t rule our reproductive lives”

Hartley explains her aim is to help reclaim the space co-opted by pro-life demonstrators – to make sure volunteers and clients know they are not alone. 

“I’m trying to represent the majority of people who are on the side of reproductive freedom and give them an outlet to make their beliefs known.”

Oddly enough, Republican-dominated Nebraska is now perhaps the nation's most unlikely harbor for abortion services. Since the fall of Roe v. Wade, Nebraska, with its Republican governor and state legislature – a state that gave Donald Trump a 19 percent victory over Joe Biden – has emerged as a haven for abortion access.

In fact, since the ruling, Planned Parenthood clinics in Lincoln and Omaha — two of the three in Nebraska that provide abortion services — have seen an increase in the number of people from outside the state seeking support. 

As a volunteer I see license plates from conservative states across the Midwest, cars sometimes pulling U-Hauls, others stuffed full of random possessions.  And I am overcome with a sense that the Court’s ruling placed the greatest burden on people who need access to health care the most, women with few resources to allow them to travel hundreds of miles from their homes.

“It was the Roe V Wade decision that was the catalyst for my protest actions,” says Judy King, an audacious pro-choice demonstrator who sometimes sports a tutu and dances around people holding pro-life signs –blasts rock-and-roll music to drown out the hecklers.    

“As an activist the most beneficial thing I can do to protest the pro-life movement is to show up and not let them own the space out in front of Planned Parenthood,” King explains. “Just showing up gives others the courage to do the same thing.  It shows people that you don’t have to be submissive. You can get out there and be brave.”

Last summer, immediately following the Supreme Court ruling, Nebraska Republicans' hopes to fast-track draconian abortion laws were thwarted when Gov. Pete Ricketts opted not to call a special session – when he learned he would fall short of the 33 votes needed for passage.

Such setbacks are odd given the state’s history as a leader in abortion restrictions, enacting the country’s first law banning abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy.

Currently in Nebraska: 

• Abortion is legal up to the 20th week of pregnancy (except in the municipalities of Hayes Center, Blue Hill, Stapleton, Arnold, Paxton, Brady, Hershey and Wallace, where abortion has been outlawed by local ordinance).
• Exceptions that may allow an abortion after that time: To save the pregnant person’s life; to preserve the pregnant person’s physical health.
• Private insurance policies generally cover abortion only in cases of life endangerment.
• If you are under the age of 18, a parent or legal guardian must give you permission.
• A patient must receive state-directed counseling that includes information designed to discourage the patient from having an abortion, and then wait 24 hours before the procedure is provided.

“My grandfather's first wife died of blood poisoning in 1905 after aborting herself with a crochet needle,” says Mo Neal, a pro-choice demonstrator who helped start the local RuthsForChoice on Facebook and TikTok.  “My mother had a back-alley abortion in the early 1940's. She was terrified but so damn lucky she survived intact … Like millions of women, we were furious at the Supreme Court …so we decided to push back.”

Battlelines are definitely drawn at the approach of Jan. 4, opening day for the 2023 session of the Nebraska Legislature – with senators now cradling the future of Nebraskans’ reproductive rights in their arms.  

Last spring Gov. Ricketts was crystal clear in his intentions (and most likely those of the incoming governor) to change Nebraska’s state law and prohibit abortions starting at 12 weeks.

Pro-choice advocates are bracing for a fight: “Abortion is still legal in Nebraska. Now, it is our job to hold our elected officials accountable and remind them that Nebraskans are the second house,” proclaims Claire Wiebe, with Planned Parenthood’s North Central States region “When politicians who want to strip away our rights take office in January, Nebraskans will stand up against continued attacks on our health care and reproductive rights.” 

State Sen. Megan Hunt has promised to use every tool in the toolbox to stand against any bans in Nebraska … “and make sure that we keep the government out of the conversation between a patient and their doctor. But, Nebraskans, we really need you to be here at the Capitol physically, to make sure that these senators’ phones are ringing off the hook, to make sure that anybody who wants to enact a full ban on abortion in Nebraska understands where the people of Nebraska are coming from.” 

If, in fact, the Legislature does further restrict women's access to abortion, the road ahead would be challenging.  A statewide initiative could be used to enact or amend a law, or to amend the state constitution, but would require a petition drive to place it on the ballot.  In addition, statewide initiatives can only be placed on the ballot at the “general election in November in even-numbered years,” which means November 2024 is the earliest all Nebraskans could actually vote on this issue. 

“I remind people to stand up and shout for freedom of reproductive choice,” Hartley says. “We can vote, write our state senator, governor, other politicians, talk to family and friends, protest, counter protest, make reproductive rights a discussion in our own churches and social circles. We are about to face a fight this legislative session to keep reproductive freedom in Nebraska. It would be a damn shame if we lost it for ourselves and especially for future generations. The only way we can lose it is to let it slip away.” 

Rest assured, I will continue to join volunteers at Planned Parenthood every week, standing guard and standing vigil.  I ask you to join me this holiday season and pledge to keep watch and speak out at the upcoming Legislative session.  

Wishing you all, peace on Earth, good will to … women.  

Tis the Season

by Mary Reiman

Tis the season for...

-Red bows and white lights 

-Inflatable reindeers and snowmen larger than your front yard

-It’s a Wonderful Life and Christmas Vacation

-Lighting Hanukkah candles                                                    

-Special ornaments of days gone by           

-Opening the windows of the Advent calendar each day

-Jingle Bells and Hark the Herald Angels Sing

-Stocking stuffers (so many decorative socks to choose from these days!)

-Decking the Halls with the Lincoln Symphony

-Oyster Stew

-Spritz cookies (and being so very grateful my sister is carrying on the tradition of making them)

Yes, those may all be possible components of your holiday season. Many are traditions we carry with us from our childhoods. Some are new additions to our repertoire in the last few years. 

But really, as the days get shorter, the nights longer, and the temperatures drop...tis the season of casseroles. Yes, casseroles. They transcend the other holiday traditions. They make us happy all year long, but there is something even more special about them in November and December. They bring us joy, a full stomach and most often grand memories of days gone by.  

If you now think this blog doesn’t really speak to you, you might stop here. However, if you continue reading, you might find a new recipe to try this winter!  

Casserole: a kind of stew or side dish that is cooked slowly in an oven.

Google it and the first entry listed is from the Food Network, “47 Comforting Casserole Recipes/Recipes, Dinners and Easy Meal Ideas.” 

I don’t know about you, but yes, I grew up in casserole (some call them 'hot dish') land. And there was nothing better on a cold winter’s night, especially in the midst of a blizzard when the roads were closed, no school, no electricity except the gas stove in the kitchen which provided warmth for our bodies and casseroles for our souls!  Luckily, we grew up in the era of non-electric can openers so we could get the soup can open in spite of the lack of electricity.  

It's a bit difficult to determine who 'invented' casseroles. "Recipes for casseroles start appearing in American cookbooks in the late 19th century but they really grew in popularity during the Depression and World Wars. Vegetables and starches helped to pad a meal so that a small portion of meat could become a more filling dish during times of hardship.They became even more popular in the mid-20th century as a vehicle for leftovers - often bound together with a can or two of condensed cream of what-have-you soup." https://bit.ly/2rpFWeY

Yes, many casserole recipes include Campbell’s soups. I admit there is always a can of soup in my pantry...it’s a staple. Some people may snub their nose at canned soup, preferring to make their own creamy concoction. I don't often have all the ingredients to quickly make the cream sauce so I turn to the can. Personally, I think canned soups are all American and deserving of their place of honor among Andy Warhol’s paintings. 

Canned soup or homemade sauce, you decide. Either way it will be used to create a warm and creamy delight that will definitely fill your soul with happiness.

If you are lucky enough to have family recipes from the past, I am sure you have favorites and many have different names for the same dishes. My hamburger rice casserole is Nancy's mom's beef rice bake. Tuna noodle casserole or tuna au gratin? Same ingredients, different names. Does it matter if the word 'casserole' is in the name?

Having hand written recipes with detailed instructions brings a bit of nostalgia. I heard on the morning show today that ‘nostalgia’ is prevalent in decorating this holiday season. Good to know. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling sentimental about casseroles this year. 

Perhaps it could be a conversation starter at your next holiday gathering. What is everyone's favorite casserole? You know they all have one, even if they won't admit it.

Yes, I have many of mom’s recipes, including her all-time family favorite. She wrote with great detail, and with options...always options! We made copies of this recipe and gave to the family and friends who joined us for her celebration of life in October. I know several have already tried Junebug’s scalloped corn. 

This is a special season for so many reasons, a busy season for most. In and amongst the attempts to find the perfect gifts, getting out the tubs of decorations, going to a tree farm to cut the tree OR walking to the garage and dusting off the artificial tree before taking it in the house, I wish you a month of nostalgic moments, memory making time with family and friends, and the comfort of the flavors of your favorite casserole!  Tis the season...

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Leave ... or stay and fight?

By JoAnne Young

 

I am driving through Florida and Georgia and Tennessee as I write this, rolling back to Nebraska from a two-week stay at the beach house of the Young Youngs (Joseph, Michaela, Ky and Finn). 

 

For 14 days I’ve touched the sand and salt water every day. Watched the sun rise over the waves. Eaten wonderful seafood in restaurants surrounded by lapping water. 

 

Earlier this year, we visited our oldest son in San Diego and our daughter’s family in Denver. All of these are places where the living is pretty easy; all places where we could pull up our Nebraska roots and move, as they did.

 

Many people have vacated this state. Sometimes the state’s politics and policies figure into those moves; frequently it’s for family, lifestyle, economy, taxes. Even former governors and U.S. senators move away from Nebraska. 

 

So I ask myself daily, should we – the last of the Young clan to reside here – leave, too? Or do we stay and fight for a place that has been home for so long, that has established family memories and good friends, but that has distanced itself from me with its stubbornness of conservative politics, its failure to embrace women and people of color in its state leadership, and its refusal to protect the LBGTQ+ community in state law. 

 

I watch as it becomes increasingly difficult for people who ran for office to help their communities and to speak for people who aren’t really able to speak for themselves. 

 

We aren’t confused about the fact that we live in a red state, with Republican rule in the legislative and administrative branches. Money frequently determines policy. That’s due in part to a governor whose net worth is estimated at $60 million to $70 million and whose family’s net worth is in the billions. A governor who uses that money to fund handpicked candidates for the Legislature and other offices and defeat those who don’t walk his line. He uses it to thwart the will of the majority of lawmakers and disrupt the results of petition processes with which he disagrees.

 

I talked today to one of our lawmakers, Sen. Megan Hunt of Omaha, about why she has chosen the fight. I see hers as an uphill battle. Thirty-six years old, a woman, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, a single mom, a progressive.  

 

The question of whether to stay or go is one Nebraskans of all ages ask themselves, she told me. She has pondered it herself. What people don’t talk about is the guilt of leaving, of turning your back on the people who don’t have that option. We all need to live in a place where we have faith that we can reach our dreams. 

 

Politics are getting nastier, she said. Leaders are getting more authoritarian. It’s more difficult to be an elected official. 

 

The fights in state government these days are not substantive, she said. They are “dumb culture wars” that don’t matter deeply to the needs and wants of real people. It’s frustrating, she said, and nothing more than playing at politics and lawmaking.

 

She quoted wisdom from Jewish Talmudic sages: “You are not required to finish your work, yet neither are you permitted to desist from it.”

 

The obligation is in the effort, not the outcome. 

 

A mental health break is good, she said. Hers would take her to the mountains of Norway. When and if she gets there, she will know her contribution has been made, that she did what she could. She’d be more than ready for the freedom leaving could bring. 

 

For me, I will put off the question at least another year, maybe two. I will fight, not out of a sense of obligation, but the result of inspiration. My work with state Sen. Patty Pansing Brooks, who ran valiantly for Congress but was defeated by the candidate handpicked by Ricketts and other conservative Republicans, showed me the beauty is in the journey, not the victory or defeat. 

 

So in January, as a new legislative session begins, I plan to go to the Capitol, to be the watchful citizen, an observer of what the lawmakers and administrators are up to. And I will report back, a battlefield correspondent at least for a while. 

Thank You, Madame Speaker

 By Marilyn Moore

I have been amazed, no, appalled, at the vitriol and hatred flung at Rep. Nancy Pelosi, (D, CA), Speaker of the House.  In the election just concluded, and in the election of 2020, and 2018, and most likely the federal elections before that, she has been the target of outrageous political ads, demeaning her intelligence, her leadership, her courage, her, well, everything about her.  

She is bright. She is strong.  She is courageous.  She knows the rules of the House, and she plays by them, and uses them to get things done.  She has been elected to the Speaker’s position twice.  She is the only woman to have held that position, to have been second in line to the presidency.  

She has been exceptionally effective, leading the large, messy, sometimes unwieldy House to the adoption of laws that, in her words, help the American people.  Laws that increase access to health insurance, laws that cap the cost of insulin for seniors on Medicare, laws that let the federal government negotiate the prices for subscription drugs, likely bringing down the cost for consumers.  Laws that increased the child credit tax during the pandemic, that provided payroll protection for small businesses and their employees.  Laws that build bridges and highways and broadband internet, and that provide increased services for veterans. Laws that protect the marriages of LGBTQ couples and inter-racial couples.  Laws that made real the campaign promises of presidents and legislators.  Laws which are widely popular with American voters.  

And for all that, she has been a prominent target of scorn by the opposing party, and by some within her own party.  And that would be because….well, not because of the positions she has taken.  Those positions have been shared by a majority of the members of the House while she has been Speaker, but theirs are not the faces on the anti ads and political cartoons.  It’s not just because she’s from California; lots of political office holders are from California.  It’s not because of her age, or her clothes, or the fact that she’s a devout Catholic; other officials share those qualities, too.  It’s because she’s smart, and courageous, and strong, and persistent…and because she’s a she.  And especially because she’s very effective.

Nancy Pelosi is, of course, in good company.  Elizabeth Warren, Hillary Clinton, Madeline Albright, Patty Pansing Brooks, the leaders of the suffragist movement, and thousands more over the years….all have been disparaged, not only for their political stances, but for their gender.  And yet….and yet….all persisted, and they have done way more than their part to assure the strength of our democratic institutions.   

Words from an essay written by Clarissa Pinkolo Estes have been shared by Patty Pansing Brooks several times.  “One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul…. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these -- to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.”  I remember the first time I heard Patty quote these lines….and I think of them every time brave women stand up and step forward, knowing they will be attacked for who they are, but they do it anyway, and they give strength to others in doing so.  

A few days ago, Speaker Pelosi announced she would step down from the leadership position of the Democratic caucus.  She did so with grace and class, noting that the beauty of the U.S. Capitol is because of what it represents…the work of a democracy, the work of the American people.  She named those who had been beside her all the way, including her family.  She celebrated the increase in the number of women in the Democratic caucus from when she was first elected to Congress 35 years ago, from 12 to 90.  A seven-fold increase in a little more than a generation, cause for celebration.  And quoting from the Book of Ecclesiastes, she said that there’s a time for everything…and it’s time for a new generation of leaders to step up.  And so they will.

She has persisted, she has led, she has paved the way for others.  It seems she has, for the most part, been able to ignore the mean girls, and the mean boys.  (Except for the hateful and mean-spirited comments about her husband, who was assaulted in their San Francisco home just before the election.  The pain of those remarks was visible…and those remarks were quite simply inexcusable.) She will continue to serve as a member of the House, and she will be a source of wisdom and strength for others. 

This has been a hard election, and while there are many individual races that did not have the outcome for which I had so hoped, the overall outcome at the federal level was far better than I anticipated.  Still, there are rocky roads ahead, but they are roads that we navigate in a democracy.  Before we enter the next session of Congress, I say with full gratitude, thank you, Madame Speaker.  

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Class of ’72: What would I say to the 18-year-old me?

By Mary Kay Roth

Dark, soulful almost brooding eyes.  That’s what strikes me most when I gaze upon this photograph of the girl I once was.  As a senior in high school, she was a gentle spirit, shy, geeky.

But studying this image, snapped some 50 years ago, there is so much I cannot remember.  What was she feeling, thinking?  What would I tell her today?

The photograph came back into my life, recently, wearing it as a name tag for the Lincoln Southeast High School 50th reunion.

And though I know we approach reunions with some amount of trepidation, strangely, age is a great equalizer. Nobody has acne at the half-century high school milestone, but all of us sport wrinkles. Politics loom, but an unspoken truce seems to provide temporary respite from election debate. We seem less preoccupied with clothes and career paths, more mellow showing off photos of grandchildren and talking hip replacements.  

No, I don’t want to hop “Back to the Future” to revisit the class of ’72, ala Marty McFly.  But even though reunion weekend has now passed, for some reason I have left my high school name tag on the kitchen table and look upon that yearbook photograph daily. 

I remember a young woman who was quiet, pensive, nerdy, bookish.  Editor of the creative writing magazine.  Not popular.  Not  bullied.  

Yet as I look at Mary at 18, I wonder about all the things she didn’t know: What would the 68-year-old Mary tell her now?

     * Perhaps the very most important advice of all:  For gosh sakes, never sell that precious 1969 Mustang. 

     * And ignore the mean girls.

     * I know it sounds crazy, but those new-fangled things called computers – they are worth learning something about.

     * One pimple – even on prom night – is not a true catastrophe.  

     * Be nice to the students everyone teases.  At lunch, try not to worry about sitting with the popular kids – look for the kids who are sitting alone.

     * And being alone is not a bad thing. 

     * You are merely a late bloomer.  You will get boobs.  Eventually.

     * And someday you will no longer iron your hair, nor coil it around enormous orange juice cans overnight, dreaming of tresses as arrow-straight as Peggy Lipton (from the Mod Squad). Someday, believe it or not, you will love your curly, unruly hair.

     * No, “he” is not the love of your life.

     * But your dad is another story.  Remember how he danced the polka with you at the father-daughter high school dance, even though he had no clue how to dance the polka?  Give that sweet man – more hugs. (For that matter, give your mom more hugs, and your grandparents.)

      * Pay more attention in your home economics class.

      * You are smarter than you think.  At the same time, please don’t measure your worth in grade averages and SAT scores.  You are so much more than a number.

      * Yeah, it sucks that you work in high school and others don’t.  But someday you will not only have a deeper understanding of those who wait tables and take fast food orders – you will tell glorious tales of the strange adventures of a long-distance telephone operator (a job you didn’t realize was on the endangered species list).

      * Kids who are often labeled as “losers” – the ones who know welding, mechanics, woodworking – they will be golden someday. 

      * Quiet people are not inferior.

      * Stop apologizing when you spend Friday night with a book.  Reading will be your friend forever.

      * Besides, nothing good happens after midnight when you are a teenager.

      * Listen to your wisest of teachers. Ignore the ones who claim, as a woman, your career choices are limited.

      * Take nothing for granted.  Just a few months after high school graduation, the U.S. Supreme Court will confer your right to have an abortion.  Fifty years later, that same court will take it away.

      * I know you have a soft voice.  Speak up anyway. 

      * Your heart is much more resilient than you think.  

      * You will survive high school.  OK, so you’re not a cheerleader, a student athlete, have the starring role in the high school musical, and you agonize over not fitting in.  Someday you will find your fit. Trust me on that.

***********

On Saturday eve at the close of reunion festivities, my friend Pam and I were packing up remains of the “Memorial Table”– photographs of fellow students who had passed away – when a favorite high school pal wandered up to talk.  Quietly, she contemplated those pictures of students we had lost.  Quietly, she told us she had stage 4 cancer – in her liver, pancreas, lungs.

I’m not sure I want to tell the young Mary about that moment, nor about any of the students we have lost over these past decades.  I’m not sure an 18-year-old can grasp that sort of raw fragility.  I’m not sure this 68-year-old can.

Instead, I think I would tell young Mary that, yes, she will have sorrow in her life.  But she will have glorious moments of joy, magic, adventure.  I would tell her to live with abandon, love well, take risks, embrace the mystery. 

I would tell her that she is enough.  She will be ok.  

Even if she does sell that Mustang.